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// ARCHIVE SCAN: BIOLOGICAL ANOMALY DETECTED //
Listen up, dumpster-divers! We were rummaging through the deep-sea salvage when we pulled up something... unique. Meet CLETUS. He’s Jaws’ southern cousin who clearly spent more time in the trailer park than the Great Barrier Reef.
He’s fully outfitted for workshop life with a high-vis poly-mesh trucker hat (EST. 1975), premium denim dungarees, and a mullet that flows like a shop-vac exhaust. This is the official "Shark Coochie" Board. Why? Because let’s be honest—nobody in the workshop can actually spell Char-cu-te-rie without checking a manual.
Laser-blasted into premium, high-density workshop bamboo, this slab is perfect for serving up scavenged cheddar, cured meats, or those fancy crackers you found in the ‘damaged goods’ bin.
SPECS:
• Material: Ultra-dense laser-bonded Bamboo.
• Graphic: Cletus the Trailer-Park Shark (Mullet-positive).
• Functionality: 100% Food Safe. 0% Spell-check Required.
// ARCHIVE SCAN: BIOLOGICAL ANOMALY DETECTED //
Listen up, dumpster-divers! We were rummaging through the deep-sea salvage when we pulled up something... unique. Meet CLETUS. He’s Jaws’ southern cousin who clearly spent more time in the trailer park than the Great Barrier Reef.
He’s fully outfitted for workshop life with a high-vis poly-mesh trucker hat (EST. 1975), premium denim dungarees, and a mullet that flows like a shop-vac exhaust. This is the official "Shark Coochie" Board. Why? Because let’s be honest—nobody in the workshop can actually spell Char-cu-te-rie without checking a manual.
Laser-blasted into premium, high-density workshop bamboo, this slab is perfect for serving up scavenged cheddar, cured meats, or those fancy crackers you found in the ‘damaged goods’ bin.
SPECS:
• Material: Ultra-dense laser-bonded Bamboo.
• Graphic: Cletus the Trailer-Park Shark (Mullet-positive).
• Functionality: 100% Food Safe. 0% Spell-check Required.